My dears are growing up so quickly, and I've been so remiss in keeping it documented. I forget, and I get sidetracked, and everything gets all swirled around for the day and the next thing you know, it's tomorrow.
They're amazing little souls. Owen, oh my gosh, Owen. He's such a big boy now. He's still my baby though- he loves it when I cuddle and snuggle with him. Poor guy has been on a whining kick lately, and it really pushes my buttons. When he whines, and I have Zoe being defiant, and Noah being a baby... I get upset. Yeah yeah, it's understandable. I know. But that doesn't make it okay to get to a place where I'm snapping at him to cut the whining. He's so forgiving of me. That's a quality in him that I think is so beautiful- his ability to empathize. He's very sensitive- which makes me feel all the more worse for losing my temper, but also allows him to be understanding when I tell him how sorry I am for getting angry. "It's okay Mom. I'm sorry I was whining at you." Honestly, he says those things. And one night when I got upset with Zoe for not listening to me when I asked her 10 thousand times not to dig her fork into the table, and I sent her into the other room because she started having a meltdown over the tone of my exasperated (and loud) voice, it was Owen who negotiated the peace (Craig was working a late night, incidentally). He first made it clear to me that I shouldn't yell at Zoe. I explained my frustrations that she wasn't listening to me, and that made sense to him. So he told me to check in with her to make sure she was okay. I called her over, and she crawled up into my lap. At this point, I'm totally calm and am just going with Owen's flow- totally in awe of my little man's ability to call the shots. He told me I needed to say I was sorry, so I did. And then he told her to say she was sorry, so she did. Then he told me to explain to Zoe with my words why I was upset. Then he asked Zoe to tell me that she wasn't going to do that anymore. Soon, we were all eating happily again, and I was beaming. Part of that happiness was because I knew Owen was quite proud of himself (and I repeatedly thanked him), and also because I was proud of myself. Because even though I get upset and raise my voice (I'm sorry, I'm just not a quiet person when my temper flares), I always go through this process. Or when he's fighting with his sister, or having conflict with Craig... I always try to help by using the methods he used. So this situation revealed to me that Owen is listening to the good stuff as much as the not-so-good stuff. And he's maturing to this amazing place where, at four years old, he's able to identify complex emotions and has the ability to navigate them (although not all the time- he IS four). And I had something to do with that. So, I'm a little proud of us both.
When he's not busy with important peace talks, he's obsessing over Spiderman and various super heroes. He wants to see scary shows and movies, and is really into seeing the "angry bad guy" getting his butt kicked by the good guy. When the bad guy does something bad, he says "Oh, that's not so good! He's angry!" He's working through some desires to want to see bad/angry guys get beat by the good guys- I think it's empowering for him. It does create some conflict in our home, because I don't feel he's old enough to see the kind of scary things he wants to see, and because Zoe is definitely not old enough to handle some of these things. She likes super heroes too, but would be even happier to see a princess super hero. Why doesn't that character exist? Princesses are empowering for little girls because those princesses always get what they want- they have power. Girls want power. I don't mind the princess thing- although definitely cringe at the old princess characters who waited around to be saved. I digress. I think I need to introduce Zoe to Superwoman (Wonderwoman?) and... who else??
Speaking of Zoe- wow. She's starting preschool in September at Owen's school. She already took part in the summer program, so her transition should be pretty smooth. She loves it. I do and I don't. My baby girl is running into life and independence. And while I know it's SO good for her, part of me just wants to hold her back and slow down this process of growing up (as if I could). I swear, this is all going much too quickly. Where's my little baby girl with the Billy Idol hair? My heart physically aches when I try to bring back the memory of her little baby body, heavy in my arms. It's harder to remember now. Too easily replaced with visions of her playing dress up in my jewelry and makeup, and cracking jokes and telling me "I'm just kidding Mommy." She's a beauty, no doubt about it. They all are, if I do say so myself. We do make beautiful children. And they're so delightful and sweet and smart. They aren't the only ones, of course. When I work at their school one day a week, I'm surrounded by beautiful children who speak intelligently about trains and kittens and anacondas, and who hate to see a friend hurt. I'm so incredibly blessed to be around all these children on a regular basis because I learn so much about my own children through them. But, again, I digress. Zoe doesn't seem to have any particular fascination at the moment. She's equally into dolls, robots, painting, and tree climbing. She's just well rounded like that.
Noah is pure sunshine. He is the happiest little kid all the time. Just keep him fed and he's your best friend. He's trucking through the house on hands and knees, getting into anything and everything. He's fast too- keeps me on my toes. He has the biggest bluest eyes that melt my heart. I say that all my children (but particularly Noah) will get themselves into and out of a whole lot of trouble with their eyes. I'm a sucker for the big doe eyes, and I think they know it. Zoe sure does. Noah will learn it soon too, I'm sure. He turns one in a couple of months. I'm floored by this, as if I wasn't there when he was born and didn't know his birthday. Unfortunately, because of all the business of life with three children (etc etc), he didn't get his Baby Blessing ceremony at his six month birthday like Zoe and Owen did. So, he'll have one for his first birthday instead. I have to get busy planning it since it'll be here before I know. By then, he may be toddling through his party since, at the moment, he's pulling himself up on everything and even attempts standing without holding on to steady himself. He looks over at me with big gleeful eyes like he's saying, "look mom, no hands!" And again, I sigh with equal parts happiness and sadness. This is part of being a mother- watching your children grow up and away from you. My love has to stretch and stretch to cover the distance as they continue to move further away. It's cause for tears some days, and relief on others.
My children are the biggest part of my identity these days, like it or not. I'm still working as a photographer, but it's just so difficult to find the time for all the business aspects to keep it up and going strong. Still, I find myself busy on many weekends with a photo shoot, and then on weekday nights editing them. I haven't taken the time to take many pictures of the kids lately. Tonight I was just thinking that I should set up a photo shoot with them soon. If they'd sit still long enough! I'd be happy just to get them all in the same frame- forget smiling pretty!
So, pictures- soonish.
Also, I am considering moving the blog to another site. If I do, I'll announce it and will provide a link. I'm thinking about Wordpress- it's a bit more user friendly. But we'll see.
In any case, I'm going to go sneak into the kids room in a little while to do some cuddling on the sly.
